How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl — Oversavvy

How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

"This may seem the wrong way around to you, but ask her to do you a favor. Yes, YOU ask HER to do YOU a favour."

Lauren Claessens

Lauren Claessens

Love Doctor & Writer at OverSavvy
Whether you need guidance on a killer first date or how to tell whether you’ve met The One, this doc has the cure. Lauren's expertise comes from years of experience combined with a fresh take on love in all its sweet and spicy forms. And when she’s not on call? You’ll find her drumming with her band at gigs around town.
Do You Have Something Savvy To Share? CLICK HERE to write for OverSavvy

Do you ever wish that you could walk through a crowded room confidently to introduce yourself to a girl you fancy? Are you scared of starting a conversation, only to run out of interesting things to talk about? Do you wish you knew how to keep a conversation going with a girl??

If you answered yes to any or all of the above questions, then we hope the following article will help you break through what may be a huge relationship barrier in your life.



Below are some tips on how to keep the conversation going with a girl without fear and anxiety.

Kick off the chat in with a clever icebreaker.

Firstly, you need to grab her attention and invite her to talk to you. Success at this stage will boost your confidence immensely.

To start, pay attention to surroundings or current scenario and angle your approach around that. For example, don’t start talking about fast cars if you are approaching her while she is shopping for shoes.

Let’s look at a few ways you can accomplish this:

  • If you are about to try and talk to a girl you have never met, a recommendation could be the perfect icebreaker. Especially if done in a funny, none intrusive way. For example, if you are in a bar and you notice she can’t decide what to order, seize the moment and recommend your favorite drink.
  • Common ground is always a great place to start if you work together or are in the same classes together. Make a comment about your latest assignments, workplace news or even hot topics. You can even ask her opinion on something you know you are both working on or dealing with.
  • This may seem the wrong way around to you, but ask her to do you a favor. Yes, YOU ask HER to do YOU a favor. Here’s the logic, or even science behind it. It’s a psychological phenomenon called the Ben Franklin effect [1] which discovered that people naturally like people who they have done favors for. It can be something as small as “can you pass me a straw” or “could you just watch my stuff for a moment; I’ll be right back.” This will make her feel more trustworthy and maybe a little curious about you.
  • A well timed, genuine compliment is always a good option. If she did something amazing in class, achieved something at work or simply looked stunning that day, tell her. Steer clear of her feminine features, but compliment her style, her hair or even her smile.

Ask her interesting questions

How to Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

At this point, you’ll want to ask questions that accomplish a few things. Firstly, you’ll want to make it clear that you have a genuine interest in her while simultaneously deciding if she is worth investing your time into.[2] Also, the perfect questions will make her laugh, think and like you at the same time.

Here are a few tips to achieve this:

  • If you want the conversation to flow, without lag and awkward silences, avoid yes or no questions. Questions that require longer answers allow for a longer, naturally flowing conversation.
  • Be proactive and lead the conversation. Give your perspective on the answers she gives you so you can find out about her while still sharing things about yourself that will interest her.
  • Don’t ask questions just for the sake of asking questions. This kind of insincerity is so transparent, and anyone can see through it. If you are truly fascinated by her, find out what she is passionate about, what she likes
    and why? Remember, the one thing that most people like to talk about is themselves.[3] It’s the quickest and easiest way to build a connection through conversation.

Find a way to make yourself look good without being self-centered

Of course, you want to find out everything you can about her, but remember; she will also need to know enough about you to be even the slightest bit curious or interested in anything past this initial conversation.

Follow these tips to cast yourself in the best light:

  • Talking about your passions is a great way to let learn about you. The perfect scenario would be if you both happen to share some of the same passions, but if not, remember to give her equal time to talk and interact.
  • Avoid giving strong opinions on subjects or issues that you actually know nothing about. This is the fastest way to look unintelligent.
  • Share a glimpse into your future goals and plans, but just enough to create enough intrigue to want to know more. This is not an opportunity to make up lies in order to try and impress, but there is nothing wrong with showing that you are ambitious and on the path to achieving good things


Sometimes, silence is golden.

Awkward silences can leave a conversation dead in the water, but, pauses and deliberations can hold a conversation together.

A natural, flowing conversation will have pauses so don’t expect to have something to say during every second of the conversation. Using pauses can also help you control the pace of the conversation. This will give you opportunities to keep the chat interesting.[4]

Let’s look at some examples:

  • So you feel like you are about to run out of things to say. Your natural instinct at this point might be to stare at your feet nervously, killing the conversation instantly. But in that same time, you could just look into her eyes and smile confidently while you think of what to say next. She will be intrigued to find out why you are smiling and may wait for you to tell her. Either way, you have just used the silence to create a touch of curiosity while buying enough time to keep the conversation going.
  • Unconsciously, people tend to mimic each others rate of speech and therefore, naturally synchronize with each other.[5] This means that if you slow down how fast you talk, eventually, so will she. This way the conversation will last longer and pauses become a little less obvious. Just remember to be confident.
  • Pauses also give you an opportunity to see if she is enjoying the conversation. If you pause and she takes the initiative to lead and ask you questions, then you know your efforts so far have been worthwhile.

Make sure you keep the conversation light

If there is one thing that will undo all your efforts instantly, it’s saying something that she finds offensive or makes her think that you are actually not a very nice person.

Follow these tips to keep the conversation on safe ground:

  • Making her laugh is probably the best indicator that the conversation is going well. Do not jeopardize your progress with risky jokes or opinions that may come across as offensive and mean.
  • If you have funny stories about things that have happened to you, now is the perfect time to tell them. We all like jokes, but a funny story will help her connect with your humorous side.
  • Staying up to date with pop culture, celebrity news, music and film will always give you light topics to talk about. She may even be impressed by how much you know

Body language will say what the mouth will not.

How to Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

You’ve probably heard the saying “A picture paints a thousand words” right? Well, body language is not that far behind. She will be able to tell a lot from your body language, but you will also get very good indicators from her if you know what to look for.

These are some body language indicators to look for and also avoid doing yourself:

  • To ensure she feels you are totally focused on her, try to maintain good eye contact and occasionally give her a warm smile.
  • Avoid negative gestures that indicate that you are bored or unimpressed with her. Such gestures would include crossing your arms, staring at your watch, groaning and tapping your feet to name just a few
  • If you want to know if she is into you, look for indicators such as eye contact, leaning toward you when talking, gentle contact on the hand or arm and even stepping closer to you if you take a step away.
  • On the other hand, if she is constantly looking away, playing with her jewelry and generally looking like she is waiting for an opportunity to escape, then it’s probably time to thank her for her time and move on.


End the conversations on a positive note

If you feel the conversation has gone really well, and there is a connection between the two of you, ask for her number. Then let her know you enjoyed talking to her. The next morning, feel free to send her a casual text just letting her know it was great to talk to her and wish her a good day.

Follow these last steps to learn the best way to continue your communication with her:

  • To avoid looking needy or too forward, it’s best to wait at least a day before you call her. Especially if she was a stranger when you approached her.
  • Keep things short and sweet when you call her unless she initiates a longer conversation. A simple invite to a movie, and then dinner or drinks, where you can impress her more in person will probably be fine
  • Remember to keep it cool and low-key until you are sure she is really into you. You don’t want to be too forward if the feeling is not mutual and risk making her feel uncomfortable around you.

Conclusion

Learning how to keep a conversation going with a girl will finally remove the barriers that are making it harder for you to meet girls and start relationships. Fear and anxiety can make a conversation with a girl very awkward. But, by following the steps outlined here, you’ll find you have a new level of confidence and understanding, therefore, making talking to girls so much easier.

References
[1] Wikimedia: The Ben Franklin Effect
[2] ABC.com: ‘Simple Pickup’s’ 6 Tips on How to Talk to Girls
[3] ScientificAmerican: The Neuroscience of Everybody’s Favorite Topic
[4] GirlChase.com: Using the Pregnant Pause in Conversations with Women
[5] PsychologyToday.com: Imitating Oprah

Lauren Claessens

Lauren Claessens

Love Doctor & Writer at OverSavvy
Whether you need guidance on a killer first date or how to tell whether you’ve met The One, this doc has the cure. Lauren's expertise comes from years of experience combined with a fresh take on love in all its sweet and spicy forms. And when she’s not on call? You’ll find her drumming with her band at gigs around town.


Do You Have Something Savvy To Share? CLICK HERE to write for OverSavvy


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